One of my strongest qualities is my determination. When I decide I want something I hit the ground running and figure it out. Sometimes I end up realizing that what I have been working so hard for is not actually something I want. That is okay! How would I know that if I never tried. The journey isn't about getting exactly what I have always wanted, but rather about figuring out who I am and what it takes for me to be happy.
When I was a little girl I had an imagination out of this world. I didn't just want to be a teacher or just want to be a ballerina. Nope. This little girl was going to be a teacher, an actress, a dancer, a singer, a hair stylist, a masseuse, a painter, a zookeeper, a wife, and a mother. I imagined building a house with a dance studio and a sound-proofed recording studio in the basement. The main floor would have the typical living room, kitchen etc. - the space for my family to live and grow. Upstairs I would have a room for my massage table, another for my stylist chair, another for my easel, and a sun room for grading papers. The zookeeper part would be my volunteer job on the weekends, so I wouldn't need a room for that!
When adults argued that I would have a lot on my plate and I might want to think about it a few more years, I would respond that I knew I could handle it. I couldn't imagine being happy without being able to do all of those things on a daily basis.
Obviously, logic and reason has since squashed the overly-romantic ideas of my five-year-old self, as there is no possible way for me to be all of these things at once. However, I give back massages all the time. I have done countless updos for my friends' dances, weddings, etc. I was a dancer until I was 18 and still love dancing in my car, in my room, and after 2 drinks. I have been in countless choirs and singing competitions and still karaoke every chance I get. I started acting when I was 8 and my last role was last year as the lead of a show called, "Gum." And as for the wife and mother thing, well, I will get to that later.
So see! I know this seems like a juvenile example of a complicated message, but what I am trying to prove is that you can do, and be, and have whatever you want. As long as you are determined. But we can't beat ourselves up when the life we always imagined doesn't look or feel like we thought it would. All we can do is ask, "Am I happy?" If the answer is anything less than "YES!", it is time to regroup and rid yourself of that which stands in your way and start reaching for he next shining star.
I have always wanted to be a teacher and I knew I could never give up the theatre. These are two constants in my life that I will most likely never stray from. I always imagined I would teach theatre in a classroom for 50 years followed by retiring and traveling the world. I would still like to teach in a classroom one day (and travel), but what I have realized is you don't have to be in a classroom to teach. You don't even have to be deemed "teacher." All you have to do is help someone by taking the knowledge of your craft and passing it on to them. That is all teaching is.
I am young and still learning how to be an active part of this world, but I am determined to go after every passion and goal that pops into my head no matter how far-fetched. Furthermore, I am determined to pass on any knowledge that I learn along the way to anyone who wishes to listen. I am determined to get settled here in Chicago. I WILL get a job that reflects my worth, and I WILL find a theatre or three that needs my specific expertise. These are the goals I am currently focused on. Once I accomplish them or change my plans I will move onto my next goal.
What are you determined to do? What did you want when you were five? Can you see any part of the person you thought you would be then in the person you are now? I bet you can.
-C
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